Are you a trash TV tragic: six questions I wish I asked my housemates

Living in a share house is a rich experience. Whether you choose to round up several friends or spin the barrel and take a stab at finding some bodies online, you’re going to come out the other end a hardened, bitter person.

You’ll probably clash about bills, cleaning, and whether the “personal-shelf-in-the-fridge system” is a reliable way to avoid the “accidental” consumption of those leftovers you were saving.

It’s often said living with someone is a great way to write off that particular friendship for good, but here are six foolproof(ish) questions to weed out the weaker candidates before you even get close to signing a lease.

Do you mind if I play my music loud, and pretty much all the time? 

What’s your taste in music? Classical, house or folk? Loud? Often? While cooking dinner? While getting ready for work?

This will be more important to some than others. It’s top of my list because my preferences are loud, often and rap music and over the years I’ve cost some of my favourite artists several potential fans.

So if you’re the type of person who likes to have a quiet afternoon with a book and glass of wine, you would do well to steer clear of people like me. Also, if your potential housemate is a huge Taylor Swift fan and you’re only really excited by eight-minute solos in prog rock songs, there’s some fundamental incompatibilities.

How do you feel about nudity?

We’ve all done it. The risky dash between the bathroom and bedroom when you’ve forgotten your towel, or you just thought no one was up yet. I’ve been living with my new housemates for just under a month now and we’ve already had an incident of full-frontal flashing and a couple of close calls.

Shockingly, the offending housemate wasn’t too fussed. I was. Learn from my mistakes.

And you wouldn’t really want to accidentally shack up with a naturalist. That would have to be a pretty big deal-breaker.

Are you a dog or a cat person?

This isn’t the end of the world for most people, but it’s good to know. Whether or not you can actually have a pet will be out of your hands most of the time, given getting a cat or a dog approved on a rental can be an uphill battle at times.

That said, if you have strong feelings about getting a pet it’s best to find out before you enter a six to 12-month legal agreement with someone who’s exactly your opposite. That’s not even getting into allergies or phobias either. If your housemate has to leave the room every time Rover walks by that could prove to be a bit of a sticking point. 

Are you a trash TV tragic and are you caught up on Game of Thrones?

If you have one of those fancy new TVs with a Netflix app built-in, you might have noticed that sitting down to watch the latest series with your friends and family got a lot more difficult. Instead of sticking to the same schedule, everyone can go off and watch a show at their own pace, which causes a significant spoiler risk.

So if you’re the type of person who wants to get stuck into a series as a group exercise, you need to make sure your potential housemate isn’t going to run off and watch without you, which is a betrayal of trust of the highest order.  

And if you’re big fan of reality TV it’s best to stick with your own kind. Whether it’s The Bachelor, MKR or Gogglebox, the uninitiated will not only disrespect your weekly ritual, they’ll mercilessly roast you for it. Don’t risk it.

How clean are you? 

I saved the most important for last. For me, I need housemates that are somewhere in the middle. I’m not a total slob so I’d prefer to have someone who knows the meaning of the word gumption, but at the same time I’m lazy enough that I’d drive Felix from The Odd Couple mad. 

It’s important to find someone who’s on your level. If the thought of leaving plates in the sink for a few days fills you with rage, you better avoid the types that swear by the “it needs to soak” method of washing pots and pans, and vice versa. I mean, I don’t particularly like the smell of four-day-old sink soup but hey, you do you.