How to survive moving back in with your parents

Welcome to Casa del Ma and Pa, where meals, accommodation and never-ending loo paper are provided free of charge, and there’s even a pickup and delivery laundry service straight to your room.

A growing number of young people are checking in. Over the past few years, the percentage of 20 to 34-year-old Australians, more commonly men, living with their parents has hit a record high of nearly 25 per cent. Of those aged 25 to 29 who live in the parental nest, more than half have moved out, only to return. And we’re not even horribly embarrassed of it anymore.

Why are so many of us ‘boomeranging’? For over two thirds of twenty-somethings, it comes down to money, or rather a lack thereof. Blame the skyrocketing rent, ballooning house prices, five-figure student debt, youth unemployment and that sadly prominent fixture in the lives of most recent uni grads, the unpaid internship, for our inability to fully fledge.

And who can blame us? For the lucky, the family home is a safety net. A culturally acceptable way to seek financial refuge that also allows us to indulge in premium pay TV and an assorted selection of fancy dips, cheeses and breakfast cereals. Your parents’ house is probably way nicer than anything you’ll be able to afford in your lifetime, plus now your clothes always smell like lavender fabric softener. Doesn’t it sound heavenly?

There are just a few rules to keep in mind …

Contribute

A lot is written about the pension fund-sapping tendencies of your typical resource-siphoning millennial, but try not to fall into the stereotype. The least you can do is contribute to the utility bills and groceries. Also, chores. Your parents are not your butlers. If your mum asks you to ‘pop’ down to the shops or drop into the neighbour’s place to return the spiralizer she borrowed, put down your game console and do it.

Don’t be a brat

Ask any psycho-babblist and they’ll tell you that moving back home with your parents results in a unique form of regression role play: a period of stunted adulthood that sees you revert back to your angst-ridden teenage self. We see how it’s easy to do so – you lived out those roles for so many years – just, try not to. A 29-year-old whingeing about how annoying it is that their mum irons their underwear is not a good look.

Keep the snake in the cage

Sorry to use such PG-safe euphemisms, but that’s what you have to do when living under the parental roof. Go back to their place. Also, romancing it out beneath a curled, sun-faded Smash Hits poster with plush toys littering the bed isn’t exactly a mood enhancer, is it?

Go out

Don’t let living in the suburbs turn you into a social hermit. The commute time to visit your more elegant friends who live in The City may have doubled, but it’ll keep you sane and give your parentals some quality couch time to watch Escape to the Country and Storage Wars in peace.

Overlook strange behaviours

As a general rule of thumb, the longer you’ve been away, the weirder your parents will have become. They will take to Harvey Norman catalogues with a highlighter and stake outside BIG W to purchase the latest collection of wheelie bin covers. They’ll write haranguing letters to local MPs and newspapers, without ever receiving a response. They’ll cover every remote control and bench surface with Glad Wrap. And you won’t make a fuss over it. 

Don’t get too cosy

Yes, the arrangement is sweet, but it’s a temporary one. You shouldn’t have to be dragged, kicking and screaming into adulthood. Take some initiative! Avoid those petty arguments and awkward dinnertime conversations about career prospects and life choices by putting together an exit strategy, even if it means taking a job you think is ‘beneath’ you. They’ll be less tempted to move your bed to the kerb and drop a cinder block on your Xbox that way.

Be grateful

Though mum and dad are no longer legally obliged to look after you, look after you they do. But mostly, they love having you home (keep telling yourself that, anyway.)  Shouting them dinner or bringing home a bunch of flowers once in a while wouldn’t kill you, and might even secure an extra month of cheap board.